Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You need a sexual gate keeper
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
