i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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