i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
