epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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