haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
