Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
