She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
