Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
