i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
