girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize