I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
