Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
