A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
