i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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