Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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