What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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