Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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