I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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