Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
