I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
