really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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