Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
