If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
