You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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