just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
