Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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