Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
