i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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