ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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