And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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