If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
