Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
