bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
