I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
