I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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