She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
