did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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