nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
