I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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