you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
