we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
