quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
