a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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