woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
