im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
