guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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