We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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