I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
