return my video game
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
