i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
