If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
