Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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