im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
