Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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