You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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