Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
