Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
