We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
