We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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