WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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