ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
