i don't like sucking hair
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize