she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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