This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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