May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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