and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize