I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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