O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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